Retro Sucks!

I hate retro compilations. That might come as a surprise to you, dear Game Publisher, since I’m what you would call an early adopter, a gamerdad (although I don’t have kids). Plain and simple, I am someone who’s seriously been around since the ‘80s.

In your world I should love the fact that you’re cramming all the classics that I played like a madman back then onto a disc. You believe I should thank you for giving me a handful of old games for the price of a new one.
It’s not the games themselves that offend me; they’re usually more or less the same as they were. It’s what you do to them. The way you cram them onto a disc, disguise them with new quirky game modes and new “versions,” all in search of a quick buck. It’s a digitized assault on gaming culture, no more no less. What really hurts is that you seem to think I’m too dumb to notice.

You see, dear Game Publisher, the gaming industry has evolved. Our friends, the Game Developers, have learned to do polygons and other crazy illusions that rock our world in true HD and Dolby Surround.

Blip-blopping pixel games wrapped in a retro-istic box can’t compare with today’s million dollar productions unless they totally kick ass. You know what? Not all games dated pre-1990 rock. I’m looking at you Midway and you Capcom. Just because a game was in an arcade once doesn’t mean it’s won the right to continue to exist.

Retro gamers care about gaming as a culture. We see it not just a past dead culture but as a thriving growing medium. Each compilation package you dream of does cost money to produce. Money that might better be spent on forwarding the future of gaming. They come at the cost of some cool indie developer’s dream, or they end a great idea that just sounded a bit too obscure for the executives at your company.

Please continue to publish retro compilations, but make sure they only contain games that are worth the effort of saving. Take the time to preserve them like the art forms, the cultural statements that they are. Produce them well enough to stand a chance against what’s on the shelves today. While you’re at it, cut down on silly loading games that require less memory than my toaster.

Retro packaging alone doesn’t make for a good product, and good products are what we all need for the gaming culture to continue to grow. Trying to make a quick buck now may lead to lost dollars later as new gamers look for other forms of entertainment when they can’t find anything engaging on the shelves.

Retro gamers want their beloved games to pull more people into the hobby not push them away from it. By trying to squeeze a few dollars from these old games, you are materializing something that we hold valuable. Retro sucks when you put it that way. So don’t.

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